Tryin to Stop Time

My little baby L is turning 1 in a month and a half and I find myself digging in my heels, trying to stop time.  It's not that I don't want him to grow up, I'd just like a little longer to hold him and rock him and cuddle closely.  Baby season is nearing an end for us.  Some days (correction...some moments) I get excited to get rid of all the space consuming baby gear (like the portable crib, bouncer, high chair, etc) but other days I wonder if I can ever let go of things we no longer need like the glider rocking chair that I spent so much time nurturing my babies with.  The moments we shared in it felt as if time was suspended.  The minutes that I thought just lingered, were really expiring.  Passing by one by one, never able to return or grasp.  Only memories can take me back to such times now.  I think, no, I KNOW it is why I have so many photos of our family's everyday life.  The moments that surround me, make my life! {Which revolves around my little boys and my other half.} ; ) Just thinking about the other day, comforting my little guy when he was restless, makes my nose run and eyes water : (  He kept waking up throughout the night and for a while I loved it because I got to embrace him and help him through it.  We cuddled in the recliner.  I kept sweeping my lips and cheek across his forhead, sweeping his hair.  I prayed he'd find comfort and hoped we could stay together in the chair all night.  I just couldn't sleep, thinking 'what if he falls off my lap.'  I was disheartened when I became deliriously tired and tried to take him to bed with me.  He just couldn't stay asleep.  I would have held him all night but my body was weak and began to shut down.  (He is a GREAT sleeper every night, so my body was in shock from the unusual trial I was putting it through.)  I have never slept next to my little love because I never have had the ability to.  My husband is kind of a violent sleeper LOL  he thrashes around too much to invite Baby to lay in between us ; ) I love my amazing husband.  I really loved him when he got up to hold L in the living room for a while... I don't remember a thing after they got up because I slept so sound knowing he was being taken care of by Daddy.  He got him to sleep 45 minutes later and L stayed asleep thankfully.